Custody and dating
Custody and dating
The only thing I wonder is whether you are relying on evidence that kids in shared custody situations are just ‘faking it’ when they seem OK, or if you are projecting from your own experience… I don’t have any evidence that children in a 50/50 physical custody arrangement saying they are happy are really not. Boy, that would be difficult to set up, but the results would be fascinating, wouldn’t they? I do believe very strongly in shared physical custody. I think that time spent privately with each parent is essential. I am always amazed at how quickly online blogs, media postings, etc.because it feels a little like you are also making a black-or-white argument that shared custody is NEVER a good situation for kids, and I just feel like every family is unique and sometimes it might be the best, and some kids might actually be OK with it – even though I agree with you that in most cases it is probably not the best choice. I just also believe they should have one place that is called ‘home’. go from certain levels of understanding, to appropriate opposition, and then out of no where it seems to hit a nerve with someone and all is lost!
I had just finished reading an interesting blog post over here and it really caught my interest. The primary caregiver should also not be hurt or dicourage a child from asking if they can sleep at the other parent’s house. It’s hard to stay focused on what’s really important sometimes. At who’s house someone sleeps is not the predictor of who they love most. And so with all due respect, I’m going to reserve comments for this post to that subject alone.
We talk to one another at least once a week and there is always the option for the other parent to call to talk on the phone with M.
We visit one another homes and this past winter I let him spent the day at my apartment with a pot of coffee and my car keys when his neighbourhood lost hydro.
And I 100% agree that parents should be the ones making the sacrifices, not the kids. Anyway, I read the blog and the craziness you explained and I understand what you were trying to supportt.
I grew up in a non-equal physical custody arrangement.
Now I don’t think anyone can dispute the importance of fathers for all children. And I’m going give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume it never is. Because in the end I don’t really care about the fathers who feel slighted and disadvantaged at being called ‘secondary’ or feeling like a visitor. And they will always put their own needs aside in the name of time with a parent. It would also require the ‘primary’ to aid, accommodate and welcome those things. It was about how parents can rise to the challenge of maintaining for their children the standard of living that those in nuclear families have, despite being divorced. You can say I wear rose colored glasses, but you could also say the same about those who advocate for world peace and and an end to global warming.
And I don’t care about the mother’s who feel that being primary during marriage entitles them to remain primary through divorce. So if continually jumping from house to house is the price of spending time with them equally; it will be paid. Mom and dad present in their life and a stable ‘home base’? Equal parenting doesn’t have to depend on equal physical custody. Just because my views are idealistic doesn’t make them wrong.As a child, I grew up believing that I was supposed to like being a part of my mom’s new family and I wasn’t going to be a part of my dad’s new family – AND thinking that I wanted this arrangement any other way was wrong. Okay, so all of that said – I can understand now what they were attempting to do…they were trying to establish some sort of stability in an otherwise unstable situation. The incidence of various social pathoologies goes up by a FACTOR of 6 to 24 for a dozen problems with children.They knew it would be difficult for me to split between the two and it would create a shift in my life, my new sibiling’s lives, and my step-parents lives. One thing I haven’t mentioned is – although they had this arrangement, as the years went on the visiting time we (my dad & I) did have in place became less and less as the “stability” in our lives returned. My relationship and their well being would always come first. As children of divorce to somehow wonder that if something else had been different; the situation, the custody arrangement, us…that maybe then the relationship with our parent would have been better. It make no difference if the joint custody is ordered or agreed to really as both are included and this is a minor issue.I started a bit of a kerfuffle on another site the other day and I decided to write an opinion piece to reflect it. Reply After reading some of the posts on the other site, it seems to me that the fathers feel like if they don’t have the full or atleast 50/50 custody it means they do not love their children as much. Just because the child doesn’t live with you it does not mean they love you less.I didn’t think I would be writing these, but the topic is interesting and I’d love to hear other people’s perspectives: Child custody. And debating it is not for the meek or faint hearted. Somehow I just don’t see maturity playing a part in any of the above. Not being the child of divorce I can’t tell you which I’d prefer. You do make a compelling argument on the subject of “making an effort” when it comes down to it. By the passion they have about the subject you can tell they love them very much. If only these parents would put that time and energy into just being with their children and not worry about who sleeps at who’s house more etc. Anyway, this wasn’t a commentary about what my parents did right or wrong, so I’m not going to make it one here.I also use those funds for any classes she takes or more costly items that belong to her but will be shared between the 2 homes (like the portable DVD player M now has for long car rides to visit grandparents).