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This is actually pretty simple to handle going forward. Some actual big deal life stuff came up and I forgot to call him.
There are exceptions – I think teachers hitting on their students is always pretty creepy, for instance, and your cute barista smiles that way at everyone because she is trapped at work and capitalism demands her emotional labor – but feeling attracted to someone and asking them about it isn’t creepy. You say you are shy and you don’t have a lot of confidence. You say you aren’t getting clear yes or no answers, so, make your requests for dates or whatever easier to say a clear yes or no to. If it gets super-hard to make plans and it feels like there is never the right time, 1) Stop: “” and (this is key) then he left me alone. Pickup Artists and other dregs at the bottom of the dating pool talk about something called the “shit test” – where women say no to an early request to test to see if the guy will persist, and they encourage you to push back on this early no.
Before I saw her again, I e-mailed her to ask to talk again—I had been flogging myself for not knowing what to say.
Her response was a clear “no”, and it was obvious that my e-mail had been unwelcome.
Through some combination of wishful Any thoughts, Cap’n?
I feel so guilty about these instances, and I’ve reaped the personal consequences—burnt bridges and cold shoulders—but I’m still not getting it right. Lest we forget, I once left a multi-page letter on someone’s pillow in the bedroom where they sleep. Rejection doesn’t mean you have to hide your face in shame forever or get all weird and Firthy about it, though!
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I was glad to get the straight-up answer, but I had to push her boundaries to get it. I know intellectually that getting a non-answer in these situations means “no”.
It’s clear that I’m establishing a disturbing pattern: I get interested in a woman; I make a move; she gives a non-committal response; I don’t take it as the brush-off it is and end up making unwelcome contact (i.e. It’s also clear in retrospect that I should’ve just backed off in these cases, but I seem to panic in the moment and not act on that knowledge.
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You’ve reached this moment of self-awareness about what you’re doing and it doesn’t feel good but growth never does.